SHARKTOPUS: A Lethal New Species

Marine biologists at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution have announced the discovery of a bizarre and extremely dangerous species of man-eating shark. Designated formally as Lamniforma Octopoda, the sharktopus, as it is referred to colloquially, has been cited in a number of lethal attacks on swimmers over the past month.

Officials at WHOI have urged all those spending their summer vacations on or near the water to exercise extreme caution at all times. The sharktopus, they say, has exhibited an alarming ability to exit the water while seeking prey. Press here to watch a video detailing the feeding habits and origins of this fearsome creature.

WARNING: Elements of this report might be satirical. Farcical even.

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